First off, allow me to introduce myself. I am the Masked Reporter, the voice for every old-school wrestling fan. The voice of fans who g
rew up watching the CWA and USWA, NWA on TBS, WWF on USA and AWA and WCCW on ESPN.By day, I sit behind a desk. At night, when I do not have work to do, I like to take in a good wrestling card. By my standards, a card that draws me in has some name talent. When I say name talent, I mean that the card has some guys who at the very
least have been on Memphis Wrestling television.
That was what was so attractive about Saturday’s Thanksgiving Throwdown card in Ripley, TN presented by TLCW (does anybody know what this stands for). Jerry Lawler was on the bill, along with Derrick King, Tim Grind, Kevin White and a few others who have made their marks locally.
When I got to what I suppose is deemed the TLCW arena, I was taken aback. I am used to wrestling matches at high schools, armories and arenas. Although, I had been exposed to a small compact venue like this at Ricky Murdoch’s NWA Mid-South and the Dyersburg Entertainment Center, considering that Jerry Lawler was on the bill, I guess I was expecting a bigger venue.
Regardless, I took my seat and sat waiting the bell time which was a little over an hour away. I wandered off in search of gimmick tables, and found one for a wrestler named “Rockin” Randy. Later in the night, there were two others in that same booth with one for Tatt2 and another for “The Cosmic Cowboy” Brian Steele. I’m telling you this to make one point. Local wrestlers today do not know how to sell gimmicks. For an education on how to sell gimmicks, please see Bill Dundee or Jerry Lawler. If you are selling 4x6, 8x10 or any other size of picture, stay at your table. The fans probably want you to sign them.
Over the course of the evening, I never saw “Rockin” Randy or Tatt2 take a seat or stand where their photos were being sold. I did see Brian Steele at his though and he did some business, selling white bandanas and some pictures. Nonetheless, bell time came and the four, count them four men climbed into the ring as announcers for the evening. Personally, I think that’s a bit much, but whatever.
After they welcomed everyone, it was time for a four-way tag team match for the TLCW tag team championships. The belts for what its worth looked a bit worn and have probably been passed around through two or three indy promotions in the area.The champions coming into the match were Rude and Pokerface, although they weren’t the teaming together. It was Rude/A.J. Bradley vs.Pokerface/Brian Steele vs. Void/Ike Turner vs. The Asylum (Psycho/Arnez). Regardless, this match was a classic odd couple match. I don’t really remember the finish, but the winners were Rude/A.J. Bradley. After the match, Rude and Pokerface argued a bit since Rude was making sure Bradley got his belt, instead of giving it to Poker.
The TLCW Hardcore title was up for grabs next with “Rockin” Randy taking on Chris Lexx with Sue Young. There was a large amount of heat on Lexx/Young with fans holding up signs that said "Sue Young is a two dollar ho" (more on that later) and "Chris Lexx Sucks." Maybe the TLCW “Hardcore” title has another meaning, because the match lacked chair shots,frying pans, cookie sheets and any other weapon that you would normally see in a match. Randy retained his title.
Next up was the evening’s cluster match of the night. A 10-man battle royal. This was the match that I realized that TLCW has about four idiots who are used as human guardrails.
Basically, their job is to walk in front of any fan who stands up, is going to the bathroom or is near any outside of the ring action. They actually kneel down in front of you in an attempt to protect you from getting hit by the wrestlers I suppose. A thought struck me when The Albino Rhino was about to get thrown out right in front of me and I had a human guard rail in front of me. Did he really think that if Rhino fell on him he could protect me? Heck, I know how to get up and get out of the way and when a 300-pound plus white man is flying towards me, I move. Luckily, he wasn’t thrown out on my side of the ring. Although,I would’ve liked to see the “Human Guard Rail” get squashed or attempt to break his fall. Good luck. Winner was Seth Knight ( I guess he didn’t show up drunk for this show like he did the NWA Mid-South one about a year or so ago when he was supposed to win a battle royal) which made all the tweens and ring rat wannabes and/or any rats happy. I, for one, have never seen anything Dynamite about Knight’s in-ring performance, except that many times his matches are duds just like a fuse that doesn’t blow.He doesn’t do it for me and he comes off as a trailer-park version of
Jeff Hardy. But to each their own.
Next was intermission. I didn’t have to go to the bathroom because I went during the Seth Knight battle royal. Out comes the “New Nature Boy” Kevin White with Mr. White and Sue Young. The two-dollar ho chant continued by a group of some females who’d probably go for a quarter if the lovely Sue Young goes for two dollars. I’m sure there are some lonely guys in Memphis reading this know, thinking about a crossed-eyed $25 dollar prostitute that gave them herpes, wishing that Sue Young was a two-dollar ho, but then again some wrestling fans aren't exactly the sharpest knives in the drawers. Regardless, finish was the same from what I’d read happened Friday night in Rector, AR. Dundee pinned White with his feet on the ropes after White had attempted to do the same to him. All throughout the match, White had the “phantom foreign object”, though it looked more like he was adjusting himself. Now for the real observation of this match. Bill Dundee is a legend in this area and in wrestling in general. Other than Jerry Lawler, there may be no bigger name of that generation. However, the punches he threw (well, he lofted them) at Kevin White looked weaker than a nine-year old beating on an adult. And the worst of it was that White sold it as if he’d been slapped by the Big Show. Please and I’m begging with you “Superstar” as a fan of yours, considering a career as a manager or just doing legends conventions. There’s no shame in admitting when “Father Time” has caught up with you.
Following that, a guy who looked like the offspring if John Travolta’s Urban Cowboy and Saturday Night Fever character was mixed with Terry Funk’s DNA called the Playboy came out and his opponent was Flex. Not a real eventful match as the Playboy wasn’t that good at all. Flex wins with Death Valley Driver and leaves to a rousing ovation. There was a chant of "Playboy sucks" in this match and quite a few men took part in it, which makes me wonder if they are fans of Penthouse instead.
Allen Steele beats Tatt2 next in a match that I yawned at least five times during. This card was actually putting me to sleep. Or at least this match was. Tatt2 missed a few spots as expected, but Steele had the mind to actually not sell them and instead improvise.
My wakeup call was next.
Derrick King is next out. The fans love him in Ripley. He gets a good chant. Then, “The Great Gate of Kiev” begins playing and out comes Jerry “The King” Lawler. And for whatever reason, the fans are totally against “The King” tonight. Lawler gets the microphone and in my mind, I’m hoping that we get to see Heel King tonig
ht. And for the first time in 11 years, I get my wish. In my mind, Jerry Lawler is one of the better babyfaces of all-time, but as a heel he is at his best. The crowd was probably 70/30 for DK before Lawler began talking. By the end of his hilarious monologue, he hadit 95/5. He insulted Ripley, DK, a few select fans who can tell their grandchildren they were insulted by a WWE Hall of Famer. Another funny exchange saw Lawler point out that it appeared that DK had an erection. He actually had Derrick and Bill Rush laughing and breaking character. Classic stuff. Regardless, he never singled me and about three others out and we continued to cheer him on. This was a clinic in ring psychology that most of the guys in the back should have been watching and by the end of the match, Lawler had proved that he can still bump like a heel. Unlike Dundee, his moments are sharp and reactions are still keen, probably among the best in the ring at his age. He gave DK the famed piledriver. Hey, isn't that a $5,000 fine at least by the Tennessee Athletic Commission?
Finish saw referee Bill Rush bumped and Allen Steele come into the ring. Lawler had went after his “phantom foreign object” and he was getting ready to hit DK when Steele came in and go his “phantom foreign object” (how hard is it to get a steel chain or brass knuckles nowadays guys?). Lawler hit Steele who was holding King and Steele hit Lawler who later was holding King, allowing for a DK win.
Another intermission and Lawler is signing autographs and selling photos. Some “smark” wannabe comes up and asks him “Where’s Chris”?
Lawler’s response, “Chris who?”
“You know, your son Chris?”
“I don’t have a son named Chris.”
“Brian?”
Lawler responds, “Oh, yeah, his middle name is Chris.”
Sorry, but it does me good to see some snarky fan wanting to be smart making a buffoon of himself.
Ya know, Lawler gets bad press from guys who have wrestled for him when he was a promoter, but last time I checked someone with a six-figure income from the WWE doesn't exactly have to wrestle in Ripley, TN on a Saturday night to help his financial situation.
After intermission, TLCW champion Greg Anthony (wearing a belt that looked like a western belt buckle that had been blown up and had wrestling champion stenciled on it) came out to take on Flash Flanagan for the strap in an “I Quit Match”. This match had the worst bump of the evening. Flash slams Anthony off the announce table which is elevated about eight feet beside the entrance ramp onto another table. The table doesn’t break and Anthony bounces off it like a pudgy blonde-highlighted basketball onto the concrete. Thank goodness he was ok. Finish sees Anthony tap out with Bill Rush calling for the bell.
What the heck? It was an “I Quit Match”? Someone consult the wrestling rulebook please. A Hardcore Match without weapons and an I Quit Match without someone saying I Quit. What’s next? A Loser-Leaves-Town Match where the loser doesn’t leave town? Hopefully not, but the next match had that stipulation.
Dustin Starr downed Jon Michael in a Loser-Leaves-Town Match when the referee turned on Michael and made a quick three-count. Good match. Had its high points and low points, but I think the crowd was exhausted by this point. Tim Grind, who had lost a Loser-Leaves-Town match about four months ago (check the rulebook please) in TLCW came out after the match to attack the referee whose last name was Tucker and Starr.
All in all, a good card. Highlight for me was Lawler match with the Anthony bump/bounce being a close second. Crowd was hot and people were crammed in like sardines. The only downside was that the card lasted some 3 hours and 45 minutes. DK could have made a at least $40 in gimmick money if he had set up as could have Flex and probably even Kevin White, despite one old man mark who spit in his face after White spit his gum at him.
Another observation is that parents today really don’t make their kids behave at wrestling matches. I saw 8 and 9 year olds flipping off wrestlers and chanting words that I don’t even say. That’s sad. But consider who the parents are and I guess we see the problem.
Got comments for The Masked Reporter, email me at
themaskedrroreporter@hotmail.com.
