Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow
Phantom Lord and this is all mighty
Rant of the Week. As always I am coming to you from my bunker in the urban cesspool that is Brooklyn, New York and as usual I started this column a week ago and then my mood changed so I ended up saying the hell with it. See some people might think it’s pretty easy to do one of these rasslin columns, but let me tell you it is not. If you’re lucky you can whip up a column every week. If your blessed maybe more then that that. But for the most part every week is pushing it especially when wrestling on the whole is very blah.
Wrestlemania is coming up in about a month and a half and honestly not one thing the WWE is doing is making me say I HAVE TO ORDER THIS. At the most it’s nothing I can’t wait a couple months for now that I have WWE 24/7. But wrestling as a whole at least main stream wise is just boring as hell right now. TNA is flushing it self down the tubes with each passing week thanks to Rev. Vince Russo. Now all the blame isn’t on Vinnie Ru’s shoulders…Jeff Jarrett and Dutch Mantel share plenty of the blame along with him. But Russo for the most part is the reason why TNA has sucked ass for the last two months. It’s amazing how a company can be so stupid but TNA proves that stupidity shows no bounds. Now I’ve said before that I’m sure Dixie Carter is a nice person, but Ms. Carter if you ever want TNA to see a profit for the love of God buy Jarrett out and get him out of the company. Because we all know it’s only a matter of time before he books himself back into the top spot.
So as I sit here after watching the Thursday Night battle for supremacy, I can’t help but think it wasn’t much of a battle. For the first time ever RAW and IMPACT were on at the same time and neither show really could hold my attention and as we know that’s the real problem with wrestling today. They try to book it for people like me who have a short attention span and in the end that ends up back firing. I mean it’s not that the quality of the shows that is bad per say, it’s just that I find it hard as hell to maintain focus while watching a lot of the stuff today. It’s funny because I watch the stuff on WWE 24/7 and I’m blown away by the difference. I’ve often said that I don’t know what happened in the last ten years but the quality of say N.W.O. era Nitro and RAW now is light and day. TNA on the other hand has the feel of dying era WCW. Sure it has plenty of awesome moments and matches, but in the end there’s not much that makes you want to sit back and support the company as a fan.
I watched Spring Stampede 94 and I was blown away by the quality of the show compared to the product today. It’s only been 12 years but good God it’s painfully clear how much of a nose dive there has been with mainstream wrestling. Back then they built angles. Now you’re lucky if they add your match onto the show at the last minute just to fill in time because we know the guys in the main event don’t have the stamina to go 40 minutes. I mean watching the main event between Flair and Steamboat was something special. While I was watching it I was thinking to myself now if they could build a match like this today all would be well. The story behind it and the pacing of the match were amazing. Sure the WWE and TNA occasionally can build a match with a good story behind it but in the end it almost always ends so predictably that it defeats its purpose.
The product has become to predictable in every sense of the word. I was watching the last couple of PPV’s on WWE 24/7 and I remember talking to my good friend Boss Foxx from LOP and said “People actually pay $40 per PPV for this stuff” and he responded sadly yes. Honestly if the WWE is going to put on PPV’s that are more or less thrown together the week before it airs then they should cut the price in half. Go back to the old In Your House system of cheap ppv’s. Everything doesn’t need to be a huge production. You can easily accomplish a cost effective show with a scaled down set. $40 is just way too much for a ppv and considering how the WWE sometimes runs two ppv’s a month there’s going to be a huge drop off in the numbers.
I’ll admit I got a good laugh when the financial numbers (which are on corporate.wwe.com) revealed that the ECW December to Dismember PPV did only 90,000 buys. To put things into perspective that number includes both foreign and domestic numbers. That means ECW barely beat out TNA’s best PPV last year. The reason why the numbers were like that is pretty simple. The show had no direction what so ever and the WWE gave us no real reason to plop down $40 for a ppv other then it probably would be an epic train wreck and even then it’s something you can wait for on DVD or WWE on Demand to watch. This past Sunday we had No Way Out and so far all the feedback I’ve seen on the show is pretty mixed. Either you thought it was a great show or it was downright horrible. To reinforce my they don’t plan ahead theory there were three huge matches added literally the other night on Smackdown.
Chris Benoit & The Hardy’s vs. MNM & MVP, The Cruiserweight open match, and Bobby Lashley vs. Mr. Kennedy for the ECW Title. Now the Hardy’s and MNM have been having a Midnight Express/Rock N’ Roll Express caliber feud for the last two months. Only problem is every week there’s a news report that Vince has said they aren’t going to team anymore and then they end up team up again in another match. As it is the reason why this feud is so hot is because they threw The Hardy’s and MNM into an impromptu ladder match at the Armageddon PPV to make up for the shitty ECW PPV. Poor Joey Mercury got his face splattered because the ECW ppv sucked so much the WWE figured a spot fest ladder match would make up for it. So the saga continues in the most unlikely feud in the WWE because basically the WWE has MNM and The Hardy’s in the roll of filler material. On the one hand it’s a testament to The Hardy’s and MNM that they are in that go to position. But it’s sad that one of the best feuds in the WWE in a long time came about simply because the WWE produced a horrible PPV and they felt they owed it to the poor bastards who actually paid to see it. Benoit and MVP were thrown into this match for the same reason of they had nothing else to do. You would think they could have had Benoit defend the US Title against MVP but they needed that ten minutes for a diva’s segment later in the show.
It’s a shame because MVP really has stepped up his game in the last couple of months and he’s one of the few I watch Smackdown for. Benoit and MVP probably could have had a nice little title match. But they were in this match and it was a good way to open up the show from what I hear. The second match I bring up is this Cruiserweight open. Basically they took every non-midget cruiserweight they have and threw them into this match. Jimmy Wang Yang had the match won but for some reason they decided to have Chavo Guerrero come out as the last participant and he ended up winning the title thus ruining his chase for the US Title.
I’m glad Chavo won the title an all, but they have been building Gregory Helms up as this great champion and he isn’t even involved in the finish of the match. Its stuff like this that just doesn’t make a lick of sense and that’s what truly infuriates the viewing audience. But I suppose things could be worse. It could end like his last cruiserweight run when they had Jackie Moore be the mystery challenger and win the title for no apparent reason. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Helms wins back the title on the next Smackdown. That seems to be the norm with booked on the fly title changes.
Finally the last match that was thrown on the card was Bobby Lashley vs. Mr. Kennedy. Kennedy is with out a doubt one of the best guys on Smackdown and he should have won the World title at The Royal Rumble. Having the ECW title defended on a Smackdown ppv for no real reason just reinforces the point that the brand split is a joke. The WWE has three creative teams for the three brands. I find it hard to believe that all three brands can’t be run independent of each other so that we don’t see interbrand matches every other week. But as if that were not enough we the lowly ECW fans have to endure the pain of Bobby Lashley as ECW World Champion.
Shane Douglas…Terry Funk…The Sandman…Raven…BOBBY LASHLEY???
Lashley is a good wrestler. But as I have said before take away the HGH inflated muscles and you are left with a guy who is about as imposing as a box full of puppies. Now if there was someone who embodied everything that was ECW and could make it something special it is Mr. Kennedy. So of course they had a match where once again Lashley was out worked end with Lashley being DQ’ed. I honestly do not know what they see in Lashley. Vince must be delusional if he thinks Lashley is the next big thing. Just because he’s using Brock Lesnar’s entrance doesn’t mean he IS Brock Lesnar. Of course I laugh at the rumors that it will be Lashley vs. Khali at WM 23 as the representatives for Trump and McMahon in the hair vs. hair match. They want to recreate the Hogan/Andre bodyslam and Hogan was going to be in the match even though had he tried to bodyslam Khali it probably would kill him.
This angle is actually getting some thought put into it, but if we’re supposed to be impressed by Bobby Lashley bodyslaming The Great Khali you’re going to have a lot of angry fans at WM 23. If the PPV didn’t cost $50 I probably would order it just to see the reaction for that match alone. It’s not to often you see a train wreck coming from that far away. Of course Vince changes his damn mind every day and according to the sheets the plans for this match have been changed to many times to count so for all we know it might end up Hogan vs. Khali. When I look at this angle I think to myself how is it they have all these people employed for them for the sole purpose of being creative yet 80 percent of the show is more or less put together on the fly.
I understand that the WWE books around the main event or what ever match they have deemed will be the focus of the show. Obviously WM 23 is now going to be about McMahon vs. Trump and who will lose his hair. To me it has the feel of WM 19 where we saw Hogan vs. McMahon. Sure it was a fun match but in the end it was the focus of that match that turned off a lot of people to ordering the show. Now Donald Trump is not an idiot. He’s not going to attach his name to something unless he knows it will be a success and there are enough people who watch The Apprentice or who hate Trump who will order the PPV just to make it worth all the work. What about the rest of the card? Are those matches not worthy of the hype that Trump and McMahon will get? As it is the official main event is Batista vs. The Undertaker for the World title and John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels for the spinner belt. That’s three matches so far. Well four if you count the Money in the Bank which WWE.com confirmed would start on RAW with the qualifying matches.
Last years Wrestlemania had 11 matches (12 segments if you include the Hall of Famers coming out for a tip of the hat to the crowd). That means there are at least six or seven matches yet to be named for Wrestlemania 23. It’s a given that at least four more matches will be given some sort of build. The other matches and segments will be filler material and I just think that if your going to have people spend $50 dollars on a PPV then you should spend every last waking moment making sure it’s damn well worth said $50.
OH NOES!!!
BREAKING NEWS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COLUMN!!!Vince picked Umaga as his representative so ignore all that Khali/Lashley stuff for the time being. In the mean time once again I have been screwed by the WWE. I really know how Bret Hart feels. I write all this stuff and then they do the opposite of what I wrote. Plus I’m still pissed about Deuce and Domino not winning the tag titles at No Way Out. They easily have the best gimmick going and they let London and Kendrick keep the belts again.
I WAS LOOKING AT AN EASY 100 POINTS BETWEEN THEM AND I GET SCREWED.
Ah well, moving along I bring you back to your regularly scheduled rant.
TNA is not innocent in any of this either with the King of Booking on the Fly Vince Russo at the helm. TNA as I said has become even more irradict in the last couple of months as everything is rapid fire and nothing really gets a chance to develop. When things do get a chance to develop they’ll almost always have a really stupid stipulation attached to it. The current feud between LAX and Team 3D is a prime example as at the PPV they had a Little Italy Street Fight. That stemmed from the fact that LAX went to a restaurant “owned” by one of The Dudley’s uncles and they beat him up. The Dudley’s ended up losing the street fight and now they’re advertising a belt match between the teams with Steve Schirripa of The Soprano’s as Brother Ray’s cousin. Of course that cameo led to Konnan in his wheelchair saying he’ll bust a cap in the ass of anyone they bring with them. It’s funny because now Bubba is bitching that LAX are stealing their heat.
See now this is the problem. LAX is TNA’s N.W.O. There is no if’s an’s or buts about it. LAX are the heels you want to root for despite the heinous things they do. I myself find it ironic considering my personal stance in illegal immigration, but I just can’t help but to root for Homicide.
BROOKLYN REPRESENT!!!
But if baffles me as to why TNA doesn’t have LAX as the top heel group in the company right now. They could be doing a lot more with LAX going for the NWA World title rather then the current mess they have. I love Christian Cage and I believe his first run was great even though TNA held him down but this whole Cage with Steiner and Tomko angle reeks of something in WCW. All they are missing is Sid Vicious…well I guess they do have him with Kurt Angle. I mean it’s only a matter of time before Kurt breaks in half on a PPV like Sid’s foot.
I honestly get a headache having to think about TNA’s booking. Basically what it comes down to is they will dedicate a portion to the show to something that makes no sense. Like for some reason Ron Killings now is doing spoof movie videos that are airing on Impact.
I’d love to sit down with Vince Russo and talk to him New Yawker to New Yawker and I would like to ask him if he honestly believes that should be in the show. I mean sometimes with Russo he does good work. Like the angle they have going with Bobby Roode and Eric Young…that’s actually pretty good. It’s a good story and if they work it long enough the pay off of Eirc Young facing Roode for his freedom will be phenomenal.
On the other hand we get stuff like Christy Hemme fighting for equal rights and all that has accomplished is making Kip James think its 1998 again. The last thing we need is more Billy Gunn. If he didn’t get over as a bad ass 10 years ago what makes you think he’ll do it now at the age of 43 with pig tails. You know as it is the only sketch that TNA does that never fails week after week is anything involving Kevin Nash. Who would of guessed Kevin Nash of all people is the only consistent booker in TNA since you know he has creative control over what he does.
Right now one of the big plans is to have Christian along with Steiner, Tomko, and A.J. Styles form a stable and basically the goal of the stable would be to keep the belt on Christian. It might be the headache I have right now but I swear we had something like this in TNA before…Oh yeah IT WAS PLANET JARRETT.
Jeff’s not even in the picture and they still use his gimmick. I guess it’s only a matter of time before Christian comes to the ring with a foam guitar and calls people slapnuts.
Well I do believe I am done for this week. Hopefully with any luck I will be back next week. With Wrestlemania in about a month that should at least provide for some good columns one would hope.
Before I go I want to send my thoughts and prayers out to the family and friends of Mike Awesome.
Mike died at the age of 41 from an apparent suicide by hanging on Saturday. All the facts are not known at the moment but rather then focus on his death I’m thinking back to all those great ECW moments. His battles with Masato Tanaka wowed the hell out of me. I would watch them beat the shit out of each other with steel chairs and get powerbombed over the top rope through a table and I would just sit back in awe. Mike Awesome truly was Awesome in the ring and sadly most ECW fans wished death upon him for the jump to WCW.
Hey as I’ve said myself, when in doubt sell out. WCW might have been a hell hole back then but it was better to be making money rather then killing yourself for none at all.
All I know is Mike is now a name on a very long list of men who died way before their time.
So despite our thoughts on how he died and the reasons behind it all I we can do is just hope is he is as peace from what ever demons he was battling.
On that note until next time take care and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.
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