----"Rant of the Week" was sent to me a few days back and it is very long, so I split it in two parts. This is a good read on what Davis would do with the ladies division in the WWE. Maybe we will get some feedback from our area lady workers.
Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is The Rant of the Week. As always I am coming to you from my bunker in the urban cesspool that is Brooklyn, New York and this El Nino stuff is really starting to piss me off. First it’s all warm and now it’s freezing. Would the damn jet stream just make up its mind? Either its winter or spring, it can’t be both. Now don’t get me wrong. I love the cold weather. I love nothing more then a good old Nor Easter that rolls through and wreaks havoc with the city. I love it when there are those lovely 50 mph winds whooshing in the alley next to my house. But I don’t know about the rest of you global warming deniers out there, but if 70 degree weather in January in New York isn’t proof that something is way off then what is?
Well as I sit here freezing because the damn heat isn’t coming up I can’t help but think of the year ahead. For the world of wrestling much like the world around us things are not looking good. Now before I get another “Oh Phantom if you hate wrestling so much why do you watch it” e-mail I’m not going to go in that direction today. I’m throwing the usual format of “Fuck the WWE, Fuck Vince McMahon, Fuck John Cena, and well Fuck everyone else for that matter” out the window…well for the most part anyway.
This week I figured I would try something different and write about a subject in wrestling that I actually care about and that’s women’s wrestling. I have been toying with doing this column for a while. But for one reason or another I put it off. I originally had planned to do this column along with my interview of former W.O.W. star Riot, but I figured it was now or never after I read the flowing news blurb.
Several more bikini models are about to be signed by WWE very shortly. The feeling within the company is that they need more good looking people on the show to get ratings up.
Credit to The Wrestling Observer Newsletter
I often ask myself how wrestlers can drink the way they do. I totally understand now. I to would be a full blown alcoholic if there was a level of stupidity in a company I was working for. Now because I know for a fact that people from the WWE do read this column, I’m gonna give you guys a bit of advice.
Bikini models will not boost the ratings. What it will do is cause me and a lot of other viewers to pick up the remote and see what else is on. Of course the ratings are going to fall anyway due to the fact that the WWE has the unfortunate task of being up against 24 and some X-Man rip off called Heroes. Of course the WWE still believes that having the women go out in next to nothing is all that we want to see. Apparently Vince and company still haven’t gotten the memo as to how the internet works and this amazing thing called GOOGLE on it. If I want to see scantly clad women I know where to look. I don’t need to see you waste television time by trotting out another dumb blonde who doesn’t have a clue to the business around her.
Now what we want to see is women actually wrestling. By wrestling I don’t mean a catfight or a pillow fight match or anything else that some fat oily guy who can’t laid thinks of. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind the occasional match where all it is the women in next to nothing. But the WWE has some pretty talented women’s wrestlers and they don’t bust their very nice asses just to be fluff material. It’s a proven fact that there is a market for women’s wrestling. Now to the WWE’s credit they have given the women’s division a bit of credibility with the Victoria/Mickie James feud. The only problem is they are the whole division.
I could watch Victoria and Mickie wrestle and beat the hell out of each other for hours on end, but after a while it will get boring. If I had the chance to book the women’s division I would do the following reshuffling because God knows anything would be an improvement if I never have to see Ashley attempt to wrestle again. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind her, but seeing her attempt a monkey flip is one of the saddest sights you’ll ever see.
Now bare in mind while my fantasy booking is not perfect and by no means a fix, it as I mentioned before it would be a fast improvement. In the end I only care about money and the WWE is sadly mistaken if they think more bikini models will make them money. I mean with the way they cleaned house last week you would think they would want to use all that money they just freed up for something good rather then for something they’ll get bored with in six months.
What I would do is pretty simple. I would take all the non-wrestling diva’s and stick them on Smackdown which is the land of bikini contests. So the likes of Torrie, Candice, and Maria go to Smackdown and Jillian would come to RAW along with Trinity (ECW is pretty much part of Smackdown anyway)..
Smackdown would have
Torrie Wilson
Candice Michelle
Maria
Layla
Kristal Marshall
Ashley Massaro
RAW would have the Women’s championship division and it would consist of
Mickie James
Victoria
Melina
Jillian Hall
Trinity
And bump up Beth Phoenix back to the main roster assuming they don’t release her because “creative has nothing for her” which by the way I’ve always found to be a crock of shit. These people get paid to be creative. It’s not that hard to think of something. I mean I’m doing more thinking right now in this column then they do in an entire month.
But with those rosters everyone would be happy. Smackdown would get the fluff material and RAW would get the women’s wrestling. It would be win/win for the fans and it would give a shot in the arm to women’s wrestling.
The last time women’s wrestling had a bit of credibility to it at least in the mainstream had to be in the mid 90’s when Madusa went back to WCW and WCW had a decent women’s division. It mostly consisted of Madusa and Sherri Martel and the likes of Bull Nakano and Akira Hokoto when they would be flown in from Japan for PPV’s. But in 97 they pretty much ended it when Madusa lost a retirement match to Hokoto. The WWE brought back woman’s wrestling around the same time and we had the Sable era.
To Rena Mero’s credit she was actually pretty good back then. But after a while the division became a joke and we were treated to title runs from Debra and The Kat. Chyna was given the title in 2001 but that was really a joke because the entire women’s division was dwarfed by her.
From there we had the best WWE Women’s division since the days of The Fabulous Moolah and Wendy Richter in the 80’s with the Trish and Lita era. With out a doubt Trish and Lita became the be all end all of women’s wrestling in America and every women’s wrestler who comes forward from this point on will be influenced by either one of them. Trish showed that you can be the blonde bombshell sex symbol and Lita showed that you could be sexy and still be a dare devil.
