Twas the night before Christmas, low was the house
Someone else turned on Kevin White, it was Brickhouse
In the dressing room, the TLCW workers were drinking beer
Hoping that Bill Dundee would not be there
The fans were marking out of their heads
Waiting to hear what Dustin Starr said
Out from the back came Chris O’Neal
Who swore he didn’t talk to BT; for real
In the parking lot, arose such a clatter
It was Drew Donavan and he does not matter
Standing by the window, it was Flash
Thinking I wished I was in
As I looked outside again at the new-fallen snow
I don’t put anybody over, you know??
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a black man with blond hair holding a beer
He was so lively and loud
His chest pushed out and he said, “TCLW makes me proud.”
Now Picture Perfect!! Now Tatt2!! Now Rockin Randy Now TGB
On Blackout Squad!! On Seth Knight!! On Pokerface!! On Stan Lee!!
To the dressing room!! To the ring!! To the mat!!
Now hiptoss!! Now bodyslam!! Now rat!!
As the man made himself the center of the show
The fans were chanting “ Go, DK , Go!!”
He yelled at the fans and said go home
I would rather be here all alone!!
He was dressed all in wrestling gear, from his head to his foot
And his gear was all tarnished with vodka and soot
He wore a big crown on top of his head
“I will be the KING!!”, he proclaimed, only when Lawler is dead
His eyes—they were so blurry!! His speech so slurred!
His cheeks were red as cherry!! His vision was blurred!!
His mouth drooled like a sleeping bear
“Do you know who I am?? Do you care??”
The straw of his drink he held tight in his teeth
And smoke encircled his head like a wreath
Standing behind him were the Posse, Simon & ‘Lil Chris
They were cutting Alfonzo’s hair they missed
He was colored and blond, a right grumpy man
And I laughed when he said he was the best in the land
A wink in his eye, a twist of his head
Kelly Warner was scheduled to wrestle again, oh I dread
He sprang out of the ring, to his crew gave a whistle
And away the workers flew behind him like the down of a thistle
But I heard him exclaim, as some young boy drove him out of site
“Merry Christmas to all, and I am Derrick King….DAMMIT!!’
